We Are ALL Learning #parenting #makingmemories

Back Story:

The other day, Jonah and I were in a bookstore. And, as per the usual, he was asking for all sorts of things. Candy in the machine, bookmarks, pencils, things he had no clue about, etc. When he saw the stickers he was adamant we were buying them. *Right NOW* he demanded, but I explained to him that we weren’t going to buy them and asked him to put them back. I continued on my way throughout the store. Honestly, lots of times I will impulse buy something for the kids because it’s a fun thing to do, but I don’t ever want to be in the habit of it having to happen EVERY time. And stickers generally end up on everything BUT the paper {anyone else?}.

Finally, after asking more than a few times and verbally encouraging him to *Listen to my words*, he returned to the sticker rack and put them away. #proudmommy

No tantrum, no crying, a little pouting, but he came  back PROUD of himself for listening. And I, naturally, expressed my feelings of pride and how impressed with him I was for listening. And I meant it. I love it when I don’t have to carry a screaming, tantrum throwing child out of the store over stickers his awful mommy wouldn’t just buy. These moments warm my heart and quite simply, make me happy. It also makes it more likely that I will, in the future, buy said stickers on impulse – and he, my dear sweet boy, is learning this.

THE NEXT EVENING:

Often by the time bedtime approaches, my patience wears thin. I’m feeling tired, ready for some *ME* time, and just want the bedtime routine to go smoothly. Jonah often has other plans {surprise surprise}, and sometimes I am good at *faking* the patience and fun loving mood….but this was not that night.

After multiple patient requests to settle down {I’m sure the phrase *Ants in your pants* was coined after a child just like Jonah} from both Brent and I, I found myself getting increasingly agitated. And I got ANGRY! Honestly, nothing over the top….but enough to startle him….also enough to {his words} *break his heart*, and seriously ruin his fun. He climbed into bed SOBBING.

I was still mad. Usually I curl up with my kids after such an incident and we discuss….we cuddle…I apologize…they apologize…and we make a good memory instead. But no way – he was going to sleep ALONE. I was NOT doing that this time. I had had enough!

BUT IT’S NOT ABOUT ME.

I got angry because I wasn’t patient. I wasn’t fun-loving. And for a few extra minutes I couldn’t look past myself, my selfish wants {time to myself} and just engage him.

NOT because he was doing anything wrong.

YES I wanted him to listen, and when it’s time to settle down I want him to. But there has to be balance – and surely I can look past myself the times he needs a little more patience while he decompresses? Surely I can have a little fun, even right before bedtime?

So you can probably guess – I climbed into bed and snuggled. I held him while he cried:

Jonah: Mommy, you broke my heart.

Me: I know, honey, and I’m sorry. It breaks my heart too when you don’t listen. But I am really sorry for getting angry – Mommy should be more patient.

Jonah: It’s okay.

Me: It’s not okay. Mommy will try harder to be more patient okay?

Jonah: Thank you.

Me: Can you say you’re sorry for not listening?

Jonah: I’m sorry mommy {seriously genuine}

Me: Can you try harder to listen to mommy?

Jonah: But I am trying. Remember, yesterday in the store I put the stickers away.

{heart melts}

Me: Yes, you did! You are right, you are trying. And I am so impressed with you. Thank you for trying.

Jonah {HUGE GRIN}

Me: There’s lots to learn isn’t there?

Jonah {nods head}

Me: It’s okay, Jonah. Mommy’s learning too. We ALL are.

{lots of snuggles, smooches, and I love you’s}

And then he went to sleep. Corrected, Affirmed, and knowing without any doubt that he is loved. Feeling it.

And I had me time that was peaceful, reflective, and perfect.